The Bejarana's

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got
boiled down to 4-letter words:

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, “If you were my husband, I’d
poison your tea.”
He said, “If you were my wife, I’d
drink it.”

A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
“Sir, you will either die on the gallows
or of some unspeakable disease.”

“That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your
policies or your mistress.”

“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” -
Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
pleasure.” – Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading
it.” -
Moses Hadas

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved
of it.” – Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends..” -
Oscar Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend….if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is
one.”  -  Winston Churchill, in response.

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” -
Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” -
Irvin S. Cobb

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” -
Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” -
Charles, Count Talleyrand

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on
it?” -  Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever
they go.” – Oscar Wilde

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts…for support rather
than illumination.” – Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” -
Groucho Marx